so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
