Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Do vagina's smell?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
