So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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