you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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