Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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