this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
