i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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