we have officially lost it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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