i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
