Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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