Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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