I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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