I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
