I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
