I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
