She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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