She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
please come you make the beer taste better
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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