I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
