We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
