I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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