next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
