I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
