Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
