I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
