I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
two words...techno handjob
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
