After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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