very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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