I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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