three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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