i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
its liver damage thursday
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