I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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