Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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