Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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