Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
