Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
