What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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