Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
