He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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