Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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