Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
