I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
