i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
