Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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