i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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