Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
