I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
