we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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