noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
