I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
