Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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