im six kinds of drunk right now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
